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I was so happy to be home. Paul was happy to be home. Henry was happy to be home. But Steph was obviously suffering from "clipped wings" having us home again. She was used to going where she wanted to and when she wanted to go without really checking in with Mom.
One evening I went into her room to say goodnight and she was on the phone crying. I thought, "Great! She finally broke up with her boyfriend Randy." Now maybe things with get back to normal around here. Wrong!
A week after Christmas I came home from work and she and Randy were there waiting for me. "Mom... I'm pregnant." I still don't remember what I said to her. I was in shock. My perfect Christian girl! How could this happen?! We talked about sex. She was adamant about waiting for marriage. And it wasn't like she was stupid or naive. She knew what to do to protect herself. She even took her friend to Planned Parenthood over the summer to get birth control pills after she had a close call.
She assured me that she would finish her senior year and that she a Randy would get married. But that wasn't what I was worried about most. I was already dreading the long distance call that I had to make to Jason in Saudi.
Jason must have been in shock too. I suspect this because for the first time ever - he was speechless. I was relieved that he had nothing to say, but I knew it wouldn't last long and I was right. The next day he called me and let it all out! He told me that he knew that she was having sex and how I shouldn't have let her stay out so late. He told me how Randy promised him that he wouldn't keep Steph from going to college and succeeding in life.
Jason came home about a month later and never return to Saudi. He was very sick with diverticulitis (which has a big stress component) by the time he arrived home. I was stressed to the max also. I had refilled my Zoloft and started taking it again. I was having chest pains from the anxiety and my doctor put me on Ativan. Jason and I were at each others throats with blaming one another.
In February Steph moved in with Randy. She transfered to the alternative school in the district so that she could work and finish school. She graduated in May and Ethen was born on August 13, 2006. Steph and Randy have not married yet, but they bought a house together. Jason and Randy still do not speak.
After all this, I stopped going to church. I felt ashamed of what had happened in my family. I had gone to Saudi because I thought God wanted me to be with my husband - but we fought the whole time, so I came home. My daughter got pregnant half way through her senior year and was now living with her boyfriend. My husband, who was supposed to be a godly man, couldn't even find it in himself to forgive Randy.
The sad thing is that I didn't feel I could share these feelings with anyone that I went to church with. Sadder still is that nobody at my church even called me to find out why I stopped going. I'm not even sure that anyone noticed. I had definitely entered a "dark night of the soul". I even stopped reading my Bible. I was scared of walking away from God, but I just didn't know how to make it better. I felt empty.